Thursday, October 15, 2009

Toronto Maple Leaf Relief Plan

Toronto Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment announced today plans to resolve the Maple Leaf slump that has Leaf Nation totally in knots. As all Leaf fans are well aware, the team has begun the season winless after 6 games. The media and fans have been rushing to the aid of the team with all types of helpful suggestions.

Damien Cox of the Toronto Star has suggested waiving Jason Blake and Vesa Toskala to free up $8 million in cap space.

Once commentator on Sportsnet says the Leafs should install Jonas Gustavsson as their number one goalie - as soon as he recovers from his groin pull. Another one claims expectations are just too high so the team should just stay the course.

Some say fire the coach. Some say fire all the players. Advice is coming from everywhere and the Leafs are concerned they may miss the right solution without an organized plan to review on the suggestions. So MLSE has announced the following plan.

1. Fans are encouraged to call MLSE (416-872-5000) with their suggestions. A call centre has been set up to record every suggestion.

2. One hundred suggestion boxes have been set up around the ACC for fans to drop written suggestions off during games. The boxes will be reviewed after each intermission and any urgent advice will be run down to the coaching staff so that they can be implemented during the game.

3. Ron Wilson and his assistants will be stationed at Union Station all next week during rush hour to chat with commuters about hockey strategies.

4. During game breaks, the team will dispense with "Kiss Cam", the "T-shirt Toss" and other promotions and use the time instead to project live fan comments on the replay screen.

5. Damien Cox will be appointed acting GM one day each month to make as many player personnel changes as he can in a 24-hour period.

6. MLSE will hold focus group sessions in arena throughout the GTA. There will be separate sessions held for season ticket holders and other fans.

7. Dick Button and Sandra Bezic have been hired to evaluate each member of the Toronto Maple Leafs. Each will be scored using a 6 point rating system.